Frailty Thy Name Is Brandon: "He's Just Not Into You"

Yea, I'm still on Christmas vacation and off from school for about 3 awesome weeks, but for some reason i keep thinking about Brandon. As I look back on my pitiful existence I realize that I have liked him since the first time I saw him. It was the first day of seventh grade. I had started at a new school and my mom had to drive me because it's 40 minuted from my house (it's a private school and has some butt ugly uniforms) which was all new to me. I ended being 7 minutes late to homeroom on the first day of school (could the new girl be any dorkier?) and when I walked in I was uber aware of his presence in the room. This was 4 years ago and i've barely talked to him since. That is until this year... this year is a little better because me and Brandon are kind of becoming friends. This year also has been awesome because all the teachers like me and Ally and I have every class together. The sad fact is that Brandon is not pursuing me that i have noticed. See, the problem is that we are both pretty shy when it comes to the opposite sex, so naturally we have no hope talking to each other. He can be pretty good friends with other girls but with me it just has to be awkward. Then I ask, "is it me?" I just know it is because I just mess up and can't talk around guys that i like, which would be Brandon. I think I'm a total stalker too and don't even deserve him. I've done some pretty stalker-ish things regarding him that I'm not even going to write down...

But I'm not crazy!! I am thinking that even though i have it bad for Brandon, what if it's only a crush and nothing more? How do i know if i shouldn't let him go or leave him the hell alone? I'm too obsessive. I have to accept that he's just not into me. I don't have a shot at him. Sure, we have been talking and have some coincidental occurrences happen between us to cause us to have inside jokes, but he is really not TALKING to me. Only when his friends aren't around and he's all by himself then does he condescend to talk to Gwen. I wish i could stop liking him already and get over him, but it has not worked the last thousand times that i've tried because i know that he does not return my affection. I would be just fine with being friends with him. As long as i'm a part of his life or something because i am uncontrollably drawn to this person. I often have urges to tell him things and just want to talk to him. It's not that he is just so hot and all that but he is truly a nice person whom i have a lot of things in common with. Also everything always points to him in a way....

The other day i was at Ya Ya Noodle getting some chinese food when i ran into an old friend of mine that i had not seen in years and somehow we got on the topic of Brandon because it turned out that she knew him too! it really is bizarre because everyone seems to know him that i run into. It is so hopeless. I'm 17 and i can already see my future: either a nun or 

match.com, but definitely not a cat lady!!

NOTE: If your name is Brandon and you think this post might be about you, you are wrong. I changed the name of this person and you can figure their name out my looking in my profile. It's one of two names.